Pay It Forward

We were sitting in a restaurant, just having ordered our food, and I pull out the blood sugar test kit and insulin.  There was a very large group at the table next to us, and at the very head of it, a woman who continually kept watch over ours.  I'm used to people taking a double take when I pull out a syringe.  It's nothing new.  If this wasn't my life, I know I would be doing the same.

As the large group began to stand up, say their goodbyes, and get ready to leave, the woman at the head of the table walked directly up to ours.  She smiled and said "I noticed you checking your daughters blood sugar.  My son has been a type 1 diabetic since he was a small child.  He's now a teenager, but we can remember everything just like it was yesterday".  Our conversation flowed easily.  She shared her experiences as a mother of a diabetic child, and I eagerly listened.  We were two complete strangers, but our diabetic world made us old friends.  We may never cross paths again, but I will always remember her kindness.  It made me wonder if I would be able to do the same if I was the woman at the head of the table.

Pay it forward.

After Sophia's dance class, I open the door to guide Sophia and Madeline out into the parking lot, and my eye catches a very familiar scene.  A very little ballerina, sitting on a chair, while mom  is testing her blood sugar.  I stopped in my tracks and steered the girls back into the dance studio.  I needed to talk to someone.

"I noticed you checking your daughters blood sugar.  Madeline has been type 1 since she was 2.". 

Had I not taken the time to stop, I would have never known that this little two year old girl had just been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes 2 months ago.  I would not have known that this new D-mom has many questions she would like to ask me.  Had I not stopped, Madeline would not have met another little girl that lives with diabetes.  Unlike the woman at the head of the table, I will see this mom again, every week, at dance class. 

We may be two complete strangers, but our diabetic world will make us old friends.

      

 

Fingerprints

When we bought our house 5 1/2 years ago, I loved all the wall paint colors the previous owners had done throughout the house.  Except for one little exception.  The blue room.  The smallest bedroom in the house was painted a deep, dark blue, with light blue splotches sponged in.  I'm guessing it was to give it "texture".  It sure did.  It just screamed out at you every time you walked into the room.  And the light green blinds?  Snap, snap snap!  Someone was really working their Feng Shui when they created that masterpiece.

At the time of our home purchase, Sophia had just turned 1, and we were a busy little family of 3.  The ugly blue room was just used as a  spare bedroom, so I was able to decorate around the blue abyss.  I always said "when I get a little extra time, I'll paint this room".  That little extra time never came, Madeline did.

The blue abyss became Madeline's room, and everyday I hated seeing that loud paint.  As Madeline transitioned to a big girl bedroom, I refused to buy anything to match the ugly walls.  I bought purples, pinks, greens and yellows, but not one ounce of blue.  The colors clashed so much you needed sunglasses just to enter the room.  Night time blood sugar tests required an extra bright light just so you could navigate the oh-so dark room.  By this past Christmas I had had enough.  I took Madeline to Home Depot and let her pick out her new room color.  With great relief, she picked a very soft yellow. We both agreed it was a very happy and cheerful color.  It was Madeline.

As soon as I returned home, I ran up to her room and shook the new paint can at the walls yelling "you are so outta here!".  What seemed like a very simple task, turned into the biggest pain in my backside.  The ugly blue walls did not want to die.  Even with a heavy duty primer and two coats of paint, the blue kept peeking it's obnoxious head out of little corners.  After the final coat of paint was on, I put my hands on my hips and congratulated myself on a job well done.  That is until I noticed one small spot I seemed to have missed.

A fingerprint.

Madeline could apparently  not control herself, and had to touch the forbidden paint.  All I could do was laugh, wash Madeline's little yellow finger, and take a picture.  I debated whether or not to leave her little mark on the wall permanently.  As I tossed the idea around in my head, I thought about the  yellow walls representing out with the old, and in with the new.  

I want Madeline to have a fresh start.  She now has her special yellow room to keep all her beloved stuffed animals, secret treasures and the best hide-and-seek spot in the house. 

One small soft light to check those important night time blood sugars is all that is needed. 

The little blue fingerprint on the wall is gone, but Madeline's little fingerprint will forever be painted in my heart.

 

       

Denied

So as diabetes goes, I feel pretty confident I have a handle on it's quirky ways.  So confident in fact, Rick and I decided we were ready to start the insulin pump process for Madeline.  This is not an easy transition, but Madeline's diabetes team gave us the encouragement to start the process.  Learning to use the insulin pump is not for someone who isn't in it for the long haul, but the end result would be so worth it.  Madeline would gain a tiny bit of freedom from her diabetic life, and Rick and I would know we have done absolutely everything we can to give her the healthiest life possible.   

We took our first class at children's hospital to learn all the insulin pumps that were available and how to use them.    All three of us had a three day trial of wearing a non-working pump just to see what we thought of them.  Omnipod, Medtronic and Animas.   In the end, we decided the Animas insulin pump was the right choice for Madeline.  I was nervous, excited and stressed all at the same time.  I completed the paperwork immediately and sent everything in to Animas.  I was overjoyed to learn that Animas would take care of all the paperwork between the doctors office and the insurance company.  Why did that seem too easy?  Now I just had to wait.  And wait.

The paperwork was submitted mid December, but neither I, nor Animas, had heard anything from the insurance company.  Ruh-Ro.

I finally received the unwanted call from Animas this week letting me know Madeline had been denied approval for an insulin pump from the insurance company.  "Not medically necessary" was the reason.  Really?  Gee, what would make an insulin pump for a person with a busted pancreas medically necessary?  I could go on a rant very easily over all the reasons I found this to be a ridiculous reason, but since I do not have the official denial letter yet, I will give the benefit of the doubt, and keep my mouth shut - at least on my blog :).  We have chosen to appeal this decision, and will jump through whatever hoops it takes to get approved.  Madeline deserves it.

Not medically necessary.

Ugh.  That's all I can say........ 

 


    

       

Tomorrow.....

I haven't written anything on my blog for quite some time.  I'm not sure why.  I use writing as a mental release for my overloaded brain.  Everyday I think "wow, that would make a great story", but then life gets in the way, time runs out, and another day passes. Tomorrow.....

Sandy Hook Elementary School, Connecticut.

My daughter Sophia is 6 years old.  She is in first grade.  My heart has been very heavy for those families that have lost their children to such an unimaginable act of evil.     

Children are innocent.  They believe in Santa Claus and the Tooth fairy.  As parents, it's our job to love them, protect them, and guide them through their journey of life.  If along the way they get a boo-boo, it is our duty to give hugs and kisses and make it all better.  We shield them from the ugly realities of the world by painting bright blue sunny skies with puffy white clouds.  We want our children to enjoy just being a kid for as long as they can.  But everyday, it gets a little harder.

After a mandatory tickle session on the couch, Sophia stopped laughing, looked at me, and said "mom, did you know a man went into a school and shot 20 kids dead and 6 big people dead too, then shot  himself?".

My heart broke.

The world has changed so much.

Maybe we all need to slow down, turn the t.v. off and put the phones away.  We need to find what is truly important in our lives and enjoy every wonderful moment.  We are only given so much time on this earth, some longer, some less than ever expected.

 If we don't take the opportunity to embrace what we have now, life gets in the way, time runs out, and another day passes.

Tomorrow......     




                     

Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy

The impossible has been accomplished.  Madeline is fully potty trained!  She is 3.5 years old.  Now if you're one of those parents that say "tsk, tsk  tsk, my child was fully potty trained by the time he was conceived.",  bend over and prepare to meet my foot.

Sophia was completely potty trained, day and night, before she was 2 years old.  Even our family doctor was impressed that she had such great success with potty training.  I really didn't understand  the excitement.  It was sooo easy.   I just started putting her on the potty at 1.5 years old, and viola, potty trained.  I didn't have to deal with another dirty diaper until Madeline came along.  Easy peasy lemon squeezy. 

When I decided to potty train Madeline, I used the same approach as I did Sophia.  Put her on the potty at 1.5 years old, and.........and........and........nothing.  Whaaaaat?  How can this be?  Where is the happy, giggly little kid that loves to read books while she sits on her throne?   Oh no, I had the kid that threw daggers with her eyes if I even suggested using the potty.  Time for a new approach.

I purchased a Dora the Explorer potty seat, fun picture books and a massive bag of M&M's.  This plan was foolproof.  Just having the bag of M&M's in the house created chaos.  Sophia, who had been potty trained for 2 years, was willing to do anything for those yummy, chocolate covered beauties.  Madeline tried her best to resist, but the M&M pull was too strong, and she finally agreed to use the potty.  I could see progress, and was more than happy to shell out candy as a bribe.  Not as easy peasy, with a hint of  lemon squeezy.

Then came diabetes.

A newly potty training 2 year old, with diabetes, is a very bad combination.  Add a sleep deprived, highly over caffeinated mom, and then it just turns into crazy town.  My plate was so full, potty training was pushed to page "whenever" of my to do list.  I truly did not care if she went to college in diapers.  No easy, and the lemon just got squeezed in my eyes.

One year later, before Madeline's 3rd birthday, I decided I was ready to take on the challenge of potty training again.  I now faced a new dilemma.  I could no longer use M&M's as my potty bribe.  Madeline had become very comfortable in diapers, and really had no desire to use the potty.  Sticker charts, trinkets and toys were my only source of bribes.  Oh how I missed those M&M's.  Freaking diabetes.

Madeline held out as long as she could, but when Aunt Kimmy promised a great big chocolate cake and a poop party, she caved, and is now wearing her beloved princess underwear.  Squeezy peasy easy lemon.

A 1.5 unit of  insulin shot for a huge 30 carb piece of cake was well deserved.  Not just for being a big girl using the potty, but for being a big girl living with diabetes.

Diabetes can go suck a lemon.

Now, where do I find poop party decorations?



    

   











       

Tug-Of-War

I've tightened my control of all things diabetes.  No more unnecessary snacks.  Super strict carb counting.  Even more blood sugar tests.  Madeline's A1C test is in 3 weeks (this is where I run around in circles waving my hands in the air all crazy like).  Even with all my extra hard work, I'm still playing tug-of-war with diabetes.  Diabetes plays really rough.  

We have been playing this game for 3 months since her last A1C test.

Some days I really get my feet good and stuck in the ground and give that rope a good hard pull.  Other days, I can feel the burn of the rope as it's being pulled out of my slipping hands.  I absolutely refuse to let go.  I want the win baby.  I want a great A1C number.

After one serious hard core tug-of-war game, I decided to hit the shower.  Madeline in the meantime, went to the fridge, grabbed herself a nice chocolaty 16 carb pudding cup, and proceeded to eat the whole thing.  She threw the empty pudding cup in the garbage, placed her spoon in the sink and even wiped her hands and mouth.  Such good manners.  She proudly skipped up to the shower door and let me know, that for the first time ever, she took care of snack time by herself.

Not only did I lose all control of my rope, I was pulled face down in the dirt for about a mile, listening to diabetes evil laugh.  And I was naked.

With some serious explaining to Madeline that I love that she is such a big girl, but please, please, puh-leeeease, do not handle snack time alone, I have regained my grip on the rope.

And if for some reason, Madeline my love, you decide to do a chocolaty carb over-load again, make sure mommy has clothes on.

Appreciate it.

















                        

Happiest Place on Earth

After Madeline's stressful diabetes debut last year, we decided it was time for a fun family vacation this summer. Not just a 2 or 3 day getaway as we had for the last umpteen years, but an actual, what other people do, one week vacation.  Destination, Florida.  Considering I did not want to be more stressed on vacation than I am at home, we decided a few days at Disney, and a few days at Cocoa Beach.  My sister and her family would be joining  us.  Sweeeet.  We left for the happiest place on earth August 21.

Prior to our Florida journey, I had researched what other families had experienced with their diabetic children in Disney.   I was warned  to not be surprised to see high blood sugar numbers due to excitement, food and time changes.  So imagine our surprise when Rick did a quick blood sugar check on Madeline about 45 minutes into our flight and saw 40.  What the what?  That was not in my imaginary diabetic travel manual.  After some food and beverage, she was back on track. 
What a Goofy start to our trip.

From the first finger prick on the plane, to every "I'm just gonna test to be sure", we dealt with low blood sugar numbers the entire Disney experience.  Madeline never showed us any signs (so scary), but there was that low number.  Madeline was in junk food heaven every time we had to treat a low.  The good news?  Her average blood sugar numbers were almost the same as a person without diabetes.  Yep, happiest place on earth.


Note to self:  next Disney trip, pack lots of extra snacks to treat lows.  $4.00 bottle of some crazy exotic juice, or the small $5.00 Goldfish in the shape of Mickey Mouse will not happen again. 

By the time we headed to Cocoa Beach, I was hoping Madeline's numbers would fall back into their familiar pattern.  No such luck.  Apparently for my little 3 year old, the ocean, and sand as far as the eye can see, create low blood sugars as well.  At least this time there was a Walgreen's (one on every corner, except in Disney) to gather our much needed low blood sugar snacks.

After 8 days of our fun family vacation, it was time to leave.  The kids were very sad to say goodbye to the ocean and sand.  I was very sad to say goodbye to the " almost not diabetic" blood sugar numbers.  Not quite two days after getting home,  Madeline's blood sugar numbers shot up into the 300's.  Welcome home diabetes.

After 2 weeks of crazy, bouncing numbers,  Madeline's blood sugars are back in her safe range. 

Madeline, on the other hand, has now decided she prefers to live on the edge.

Why am I not surprised?

Better hang on tight for the ride diabetes.  Madeline won't be slowing down for you.

Dude.