A One Year Balloon

One year ago today, Madeline was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes.  That day is forever etched in my memory.  I can still feel the tears streaming down my cheeks, my heart aching so much I thought it would burst, and the feeling of complete helplessness, upon hearing, "you were right, Madeline is diabetic".

Diabetes became the huge elephant in the room, tied to my ankle, and not letting me move forward.  I felt like I was being held captive to my child's chronic illness.  I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Many hours of diabetes training, doctor visits, phone calls and just plain old learning on the fly, we have really come a long way.  I can now ruin your day by telling you how many carbs are in the food you are eating, do a math calculation with my eyes closed, and test a blood sugar in super-human speed.
  
A year later, diabetes is no longer an elephant tied to me, it  has become a balloon.  We take great care so we don't pop it, make sure it always has enough air so it doesn't touch the ground, and hold tight to the string so it doesn't float out of our control.  Blood sugar tests, insulin shots and continual doctor visits will never go away, but we accept them, so we can move forward with our lives.

Madeline is a very happy, energetic and healthy 3 year old now.  She loves to play on the swing set, sing funny songs, and dance silly dances.   She can be the most stubborn little kid at times (I mean really stubborn), but the sweetest, most caring little love bug you have ever met.  She has not let diabetes get in the way of who she will grow up to be.   

I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel.  It is a small twinkling little light, but I can finally see it.  As Madeline gets older, medical research advances, and we hold the string tight, someday we may be able to make a wish on Madeline's balloon and let it go.

And watch it float up, up, and away, into the sky.

.

Fantasy Diabetes Device

 Fantasy Diabetes Device - Thursday 5/17
Tell us what your Fantasy Diabetes Device would be?  Think of your dream blood glucose checker, delivery system for insulin or other meds, magic carb counter, etc etc etc.  The sky is the limit – what would you love to see?

Ok, so I didn't come up with this one on my own, but I sure would love to see this. 

Rick has been saying for years how incredible it would be to have a watch that functions as a blood glucose monitor / CGM.  It wouldn't even have to be 100% accurate, just a ballpark number.  It would be a device you could wear all the time and be able to see what the heck the blood sugars are doing.  It would be able to detect changes in the blood sugar just through the skin/pores.  The best part?  No monster needle in your skin, no extra things to carry around in pockets or purses, and with just a quick glance, you have a pretty good idea where your numbers are at.  And since it's just the size of a watch, anyone could wear it.  Even a three year old toddler. 

A girl can dream, can't she? 

 

One Thing to Improve

One Thing to Improve - Wednesday 5/16
We probably all have one thing we could try to do better.  Why not make today the day we start working on it.  No judgments, no scolding, just sharing one small thing we can improve so the DOC can cheer us on!

 At 7:45pm my IPod rings a catchy little tune and reminds me to give Madeline her Lantus injection before she heads off to bed.  Upon hearing this catchy little tune, my two children get super excited and yell "yaaaahhhooooo!  Snack time!".  This has been our ritual for 11 months since diabetes diagnosis.

I have a love / hate relationship with this ritual.  I love, that if Madeline's blood sugars are low, she can have a fun snack and get back on track.  I hate, that if Madeline's blood sugars are high, she is waiting for a fun snack and I am wondering what to do.  Bedtime, snacks, and diabetes don't mix. 

If I could just enforce "bedtime snack only if low", I'd save myself a lot of worrying, night time checks, and stress filled moments waiting for the "beeeeep" of her glucose monitor to let me know the damage.  But every night, that catchy little tune starts, the girls get excited, and the ritual begins again.

I do manage to keep the snack carb count between 5-10, but if I could just think outside the box, I'd have better bedtime blood sugar control on Madeline for sure.

But what fun would that be?        

One Great Thing

  

 One Great Thing - Tuesday 5/15
Living with diabetes (or caring for someone who lives with it) sure does take a lot of work, and it’s easy to be hard on ourselves if we aren’t “perfect”.  But today it’s time to give ourselves some much deserved credit.  Tell us about just one diabetes thing you (or your loved one) does spectacularly! 

Madeline does not have a continuous glucose monitor.  Would I really like her to have one?  That would be a big fat Hell Yeah!  Night time blood sugar tests truely suck swamp scum.  Unfortunately, insurance does not see a CGM as a medical necessity, so we wait.

What could possibly be as good as a CGM?  That would be the MTCGM.  That stands for: Mom The Continuous Glucose Monitor.  I test Madeline like crazy.  I want to know what is going on with her little body.  If numbers are good, the MTCGM throws a couple of fist pumps in the air.  If numbers are bad, the MTCGM throws a couple of fingers in the air.  No arrows needed.

I know one day we will get approved for a real CGM, and that will be sweet.  But I must say, the MTCGM does a pretty fine job right now.  High blood sugars have been knocked down quickly, low blood sugars have been stopped in their tracks, and the MTCGM only fails if it starts to retain too much swamp scum.

Perfect.  

Diabetes Blog Week

Bitter Sweet Diabetes
 It seems the most popular thing about Diabetes Blog Week is that it helps us find blogs we weren’t reading yet and connect with some new blog friends.  With that in mind, let’s kick off Diabetes Blog Week by making some new connections.  Think about the d-blogs you read that you think we may not know about and introduce us to one that you love!!  Let’s all find a new friend today! 
   
 Diabetes Blog Week will run from Monday, May 14th to Sunday, May 20.  It is open to anyone who blogs about diabetes - be it Type 1, Type 2, LADA, or gestational, and it’s also for parents, spouses and caregivers to someone else with diabetes. 

I personally started blogging after finding Houston We Have a Problem!.  Being the mother of a diabetic toddler is no easy task, but after following another family's journey, I not only looked to this blog for emotional help, but just to know I was not alone.  That website inspired me to blog my family's journey.   

I discovered Diabetes Blog Week (checking out another one of my favorite diabetes blogs: Six Until Me), and felt it was a wonderful way to watch other peoples diabetic journey's as well as sharing ours. 

Can I really diabetes blog for a whole week?  Wow, some weeks just getting one blog out can be a process.  I'm pretty sure I can do it.  That is, as long as nothing gets in my way, such as, oh, I don't know......diabetes?

         

Moms Bugging Out

Mom's are not allowed to be sick.  I believe this is in the handbook of rules and regulations I did not  receive after I had my children.  It is the most important rule: all moms must be in tip top health as to be able to care for all others in the family. 

I have followed this unwritten rule very closely.  Until this past weekend.  Mom.  Got.  Sick.

Was it the coleslaw at the Friday night fish-fry?  My children's germy little hands?  The one little amoeba that was on the shopping cart handle?  I will never know, but that little bug brought me down pretty hard.

I woke up in the wee early hours Saturday morning after dreaming someone kicked me in the stomach.  Only to realize once awake, that indeed, I had been kicked  in the stomach, Kung Fu style.  My intestines were in distress.  Now that is fun stuff at 2:30am.  That, and heartburn, with the taste of coleslaw on the side.

Without being too detailed, I never did get back to bed.  My intestines were extremely unhappy.  Just about the time I'd get back under the bed covers, they would insist I return to the bathroom.    This continued right up to Madeline's chirpy 6:30am "I'm awake momma!".  Being the Super-D-Mom I am, I dragged my lifeless, caped carcass, to her bedroom to greet her.

After saving me from having to make breakfast, Rick had to leave early for work.  Ugh.

Tired, Kung Fu intestines, and a little green around the edges, I forced myself into mom mode.  I did all the "must get dones" right past lunchtime, then I hit the big invisible wall.  It was time for Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked.  I tested Madeline, gave her a snack with a few extra carbs,  then curled up on the couch and zonked out.

I slept through the entire movie with a 3, and 6 year old, running loose.  Zero supervision.  When I opened my eyes, everything was just as I had left it.  "Toy bomb" testing grounds.  Madeline immediately came up to me, kissed my head and asked "did you sleep good momma?".  She was very happy I was awake.  A quick blood sugar test, a few more hugs and kisses, and she was off and playing.  I was back to being horizontal on the couch. 

I punched my time clock out once Rick got home from work, and slept the rest of the evening.

When I heard my chirpy little Madeline at 6:30am Sunday morning, I had much more spring in my step to greet her for the day.  As I walked in her room, she sat up on her bed, a big smile on her face, and said "are you feeling better today momma?".  Wow, wasn't expecting that.  I picked her up and gave her a great big hug and thanked her for being so concerned about me.  She gave me a great big hug back and said "well, remember that one time I got sick and you took care of me.....".

That's what makes me feel like a Super-D-Mom.

 

   

   

My Little Island

I have felt like I've been living on a little deserted island, isolated.  Diabetes sits beside me.  We stare at each other day in and day out.  I want to throw a coconut at it.  We are not friends.  I can't wait for a rescue ship to come by.

     
I was invited to attend an informal meeting, through JDRF, with other people who's lives have been affected by Type 1 diabetes.  I had no idea what to expect, but realized I needed to find other people to connect with, that would understand my island life.  I brushed the sand off my pants, adjusted my straw hat and headed out.

As a mom, I could not have been happier to meet other moms of diabetic kids.  D-Moms.  The information was incredible.  Being able to talk to someone who is actually living the same life as me was wonderful.  My fears of Madeline's future have become far less worrisome.

We talked about how our lives have all changed since diagnosis.  Want to go to the park for a couple hours of fun?   Running a 10k marathon backwards would be less exhausting.  So my diabetic child wants a little more independence?  Ain't happening, get over it.  Time to start school?  Here is a refrigerator box filled with all my child's diabetes necessities and 50 pages of notes that may be helpful.  Invitation to a classmates birthday party?  Sure, my child and I would love to come!  The list goes on and on.

We learned that our kids have adapted well to their chronic illness.  As parents, we have had to learn a whole new way of life, but the children have adapted, they are unchanged, and continue to just be kids.  As it should be.

As I got ready to head back to the island, I realized I no longer wanted to just sit in the sand waiting for a rescue ship.  It may never come.  If I had to live on this crap island, I was going to make some changes.  This will be my life for awhile, so might as well get comfy. Take that diabetes.

And yes, I threw a coconut at it.  Hard.