Thursday, December 1, 2011

Crazy Train

I am usually a very calm and rational person.  Yes, my kids can drive me nuts at times, but I can usually collect myself and get through it.  Somewhere between "you were right, Madeline has diabetes" and "survival training", I lost that calm and rational side of me.  I had become this high strung, irrational woman that was close to spinning out of control.

A great example of my craziness came the first day I had to deal with Madeline's diabetes without Rick's help.  All I had to do was test Madeline so she could start to eat her lunch.  Ten minutes later I am on the phone with Rick crying that I can't get the meter to tell me what Madeline's numbers are and she's crying because she just wants her lunch.  Rick raced home from work so he could do the testing.  Beeeeep, the numbers came right up.  Just to be safe I had Rick stay until I was sure I could do Madeline's insulin shot as well.  I would have to read the book on the meter so I didn't keep going through the test strips.   

Test strips are like dollar bills in a small plastic container.  Yes they are very important to tell me what my child's blood glucose numbers are, but they are also very expensive and not something you waste.  This is where I knew I was losing my rational side.  All I had to do was go to the pharmacy for test strips.  We had received a couple of free meters from the hospital so we just wanted test strips for that specific meter.  Nope.  Insurance says they don't cover that meter.  Are you kidding me?  I would need to contact this person and that person and get approval.  I couldn't even think.  I headed out to the parking lot and cried for 10 minutes in my car because I didn't get my daughters test strips.  In the end, Rick called and cleared up the confusion, but I had completely lost control. 

I cried because I was tired.  I cried because my daughter was diagnosed with diabetes.  I cried because I wasn't spending time with my 5 year old.  I cried because I wanted my old life back.

Still do.

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